6 weeks old

Our Silas is now 6 weeks old!

I can't believe that it's been a month and a half since he was born!

I could kiss his squishy face all day!

Sleepy Photo Shoot

While Silas was snoozing I took the chance to capture some of his sleepy movements...

He was not amused by the flash

His clothes are getting so small on him. He no longer fits in any of his newborn clothing, but his cloth diapers finally fit well enough that we are in cloth 24/7. He is starting to become a very chubby little guy and we absolutely love it!

Stretching out... one day we'll get the "hug" stretch on camera.

He has such serious faces and I wonder what he is possibly thinking about.

Zombie Baby!

Maybe he'll enjoy funny zombie films just like mommy and daddy!

He still has such tiny feet, but such long toes!

And long fingers!

Pondering... such a deep thinker even in his sleep!

Father's Day 2010

Happy 1st Father's Day Josh!

Josh was surprised with donuts and coffee and a pile of presents at 6:30 this morning!

He got photography themed gifts including a remote clicker...

A camera bag...

a reflector kit and some drop cloths for solid colored backgrounds.

Silas got lots of love from his daddy for his wonderful father's day gifts.

In addition to so many new toys for his photography hobby Josh got some new clothes, shoes, and dinner at his favorite restaurant.

Silas also got to help celebrate father's day with his Papa Joe and Grand-Bubby. We went over to Mema and Papa Joe's on Saturday for dinner and Tripoly and to Honey and Grand-Bubby's on Sunday before dinner. Both Papa Joe and Grand-Bubby got new Blu-Ray players from Silas.

Mourning the experience

It's no secret that I didn't have the birth I wanted.

I had it planned out in my mind. I knew what I wanted.

Josh and I had talked about the possibility of a home birth or a birthing center, but since there wasn't an operating birthing center in the Phoenix area and neither of us felt 100% comfortable with delivering at home we decided to use a certified nurse midwife at a local hospital.

I was worried about cesarean from the beginning. I knew that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to have to recover from surgery. In my mind having a c-section wasn't giving birth. I wanted to feel my child and experience pushing him out into the world. I had wanted to attempt to give birth without medication to help the pain because I wanted to trust my body to do what it was suppose to do. However I knew that I would be o.k. if I had to have the pain meds as long as I avoided pitocin and a cesarean. I wanted to go as long as I could without the pain meds.

In a way I feel cheated. I didn't have the labor I wanted. Instead I had inconsistent and painful contractions for weeks and a cervix that wouldn't budge. With the help and guidance of several midwives at the hospital we attempted to artificially soften my cervix. I didn't want to have pitocin so we attempted cervadil and that softened the cervix, but didn't really help in the long run. The next attempt was to use a folly catheter, which is the least invasive way to induce, and that worked. My cervix finally began to dilate. My water broke on its own and I thought for sure that my body would do its job. I was dilated at 3cm.

I was having strong contractions all night. Finally I gave in to the exhaustion and had stadol so I could sleep. After a few hours of sleep I was up walking, bouncing on the birthing ball, and moving positions, but my cervix still wouldn't dilate beyond 3cm. I was in so much pain and after talking with Josh and knowing how tired I was already and how much work was still ahead I agreed to have an epidural.

It was more painful then some of the contractions I was having and I called the anesthesiologist worse names than I've ever called another person. The relief that is was suppose to give me made me feel worse, not physically, but mentally. I couldn't feel my legs and the pain of the contractions anymore, but the pain I went through for it to me was not worth it and the guilt I felt for giving into my pain made me want to cry. At that point my water had been broken for 15 hours and I had been in the hospital for over 30 hours with very little sleep. Shortly after that I became so cold I was shaking and shivering.

I started running a temperature. There were several attempt to bring it down but it was well over 100 degrees and then Silas' heart rate jumped from 120 bpm to over 180. I still hadn't dilated beyond 3cm and now there was talk that my amniotic fluid could be infected causing the fever and the elevated heart rate. My midwife told me the safest option at that point for me and for the baby was a cesarean. My heart broke into a million pieces. It was the very thing I wanted to avoid.

Even with my husband, my parents, and my midwife assuring me that it was out of my hands and that it wasn't my fault I felt so guilty and angry and sad. I knew with this surgery that I would not get to birth my child and all my after birth plans would change.

I was not the first person to see and hold my son. I didn't get to cradle him against my chest, count his fingers and toes, or cherish those first moments after birth. Instead of basking in the glow of parenthood, with my husband, Josh had to leave my side to accompany Silas and I was stitched up and taken to recovery. Everyone in my family got to see my son and spend time with him before me. Instead of being taken to couplet care and nursing him he was placed in the nursery with an I.V. in his hand. One visitor at a time came to see me in recovery and showed me pictures and video, which just isn't the same. It was nearly 3 hours before I got to see him in person and 5 before I could hold him. He spent the first 48 hours in the nursery for anti-biotics.

While we were in the hospital we struggled with breast feeding. I knew there would be a chance that it would be a struggle because of the reduction. I knew it was possible that nothing would come at all. I was hopeful though. I saw three different lactation consultants and had three different sets of advice. By the third day I had to come to the realization that I would have to supplement and attempted to do so with a synthetic nursing system so he would stay on the breast. We had a plan and finally we were going to head home.

I thought that things would get better from there, but things just started to spiral. Two days after returning home my incision split open and became infected. A week and two days after that I was readmitted to the hospital because my uterus had become infected. Both of these things impact our breast feeding relationship greatly. Not long after that I developed and gave Silas thrush and I came down with mastitis. Plus at this point I was crying at the drop of a hat and felt like a failure through and through.

Even though I love Silas more than words can express and I have a healthy child in my arms I'm still struggling with his birth and month following with my own recovery. I'm unsure if I'll ever want to have another one given the situation, even though Dr. Porter and my midwife say that I could have a VBAC in the future. I'm so angry and sad and frustrated.

I love Silas and I love the relationship we're building together. I also love being a mommy and watching Silas grow and develop, but I also need to let my anger and frustrations out. Its not what I wanted and all I want to do is cry when I think about it. The only thing that I am happy about is having Silas and starting our family.

One month check up

Silas had his one month check up today.

He is 23 inches long (91st percentile). That is 2 1/2 inches longer than he was a birth.

He is 9lbs 5.5oz (35th percentile). That is 14oz heavier than his birth weight.

The weight is good because 5 days after his birth he dropped down to 7lbs 10oz.

We started seeing Dr. Jones, who specializes in breast feeding, a week after his first appointment (5/25) and his weight went up to 8lbs 1oz, but dropped again the following week (6/1) to 7lbs 14oz. Last week (6/8) when we went to see Dr. Jones his weight was up to 8lbs 11oz. It's been a struggle to keep weight on him, so the gain is great news. He is up 10oz from the last time he was weighed at Dr. Jones' office.

The breast feeding is still a struggle. My supply is limited to about 1/3 of a typical supply. We are supplementing after at breast feedings and pumping afterwards to simulate having twins so that it tricks my body into producing more. I wish I could produce enough to feed him only breast milk, but both Josh and I were formula fed and we both turned out o.k. Silas will thrive on both and he'll be fine too.

Hanging out

Yesterday Papa Joe came over with Aunt Andi to hang out. Papa Joe thought Silas' look could use a pair of sunglasses. Silas is so cool and Papa Joe thinks so too!

After everyone went home I picked up Josh's camera and tried to take some pictures. Silas showed me what he thought of my efforts.

I did manage to take one picture that I liked and Silas was paying attention since I was making faces and noises at him.

One Month Old

I can't believe my baby is one month old already!

First Bath

On Friday Silas had his first bath!

His cord finally fell off and we were so excited to put him in a tub of warm water... especially since he hated the sponge baths we were giving him prior!

He really seemed to enjoy it.

Daddy poured water down his chair and Mommy dangled his feet in the water.

He liked the wash cloth when it was full of warm water.

He didn't care for being lifted out of the water, but once he was in a warm cozy towel, all was well again!

Follow up appointments

We had our second appointment with Dr. Jones on Tuesday.

Silas lost weight. He went from 8lbs 1oz to 7lbs 14oz.

I explained what had happened over the weekend and she said that could be apart of it, but we had to start a plan to get Silas to gain weight.

She did an initial exam and found that Silas had thrush. The likely culprit was the antibiotics from the hospital. I had tons of yeast and I passed it on to him via the breast. She gave us a script for Silas and we continued our session.

This time I was able to feed Silas about 50cc, which is an ounce more than what I was able to produce the last week. 50cc is good, but it doesn't make a full supply if I'm feeding him 8-12 times a day. Supplementing is something we will have to do. So I'll feed him on the breast and the give him a bottle until he is satisfied. I'll pump afterwards and save what I pump to give to him.

Dr. Jones then talked to me about blood work. I told her I had to go to a follow up appointment for my hospital stay and she asked me to call and make the appointment and find out the Dr's name so she could call them and talk to them about the blood work. Fortunately I was able to get in again with Dr. Whitehead.

Dr. Jones asked me to make another appointment with her for the following week and then called me later that day to tell me she spoke to Dr. Whitehead.

Today I went to see Dr. Whitehead. I had my abdomen looked at and all looks and feels fine. I did mention that Silas had thrush and she gave me a script for diflucan, which will help the yeast. So hopefully we'll get that all taken care of.

So many eventful things going on in baby land! I hope that is the last eventful thing we have to go through...

now even though things with Mommy have been rough, Silas is doing well aside from not gaining enough weight. He sleeps so well and gets up every 3 hours to be fed and changed and then goes back down. When he is alert he grins and smiles. I'm not sure if they are purposeful smiles or just gas, but I love them all the same!

Our next road block - uterine infection

Silas was two weeks old when I had my follow up appointment for my split incision.

My wonderful mother-in-law took me to my appointment since I was told not to drive and Josh had to work. She stayed in the waiting room with my sleeping Silas as I went to be checked out.

I was out of pain meds and hoped they would write me a script for some more because I was still in a lot of pain.

A med student took a look at me first. She seemed very concerned that I was so sore still. She looked at my split incision and told me it was closing up nicely, but she wanted to have the doctor come in to look at my abdomen. It was very sore and tender to the touch and felt very hard.

Dr. Aguilera came in and did an exam and told me that my uterus was infected and that she wanted me to be admitted into the hospital as soon as possible for IV antibiotics.

At that point I was in tears from the pain and confusion. I have no idea why my body was working against me and the idea of being in the hospital upset me because I had a 2 week old newborn to care for. Dr. Aguilera said she would find us a room in the hospital that would allow Silas to stay with me so I could continue to breast feed and care for him. That comforted me some, but I was still scared.

I was in tears when I went into the lobby to get my phone so I could call Josh. I went back to the examining room and called Josh and my mom (who was in KY for my grandfather's funeral). Josh who is always the calm to my crazy told me to calm down and take a deep breath. He said he'd call work and head down as soon as I got more information. As Dr. Aguilera got my admittance forms ready Dr. Whitehead came in. She was the doctor who looked at my split incision the week before. She had Donna bring Silas to me and she talked to me about what would happen. She was very supportive.

True to her word Dr. Aguilera was able to find me a room on the 4th floor where couplet care is. Donna walked me over and I pretty much hung out in my room until around 8 pm before an IV was inserted. Antibiotics were started around 9 pm.

I was very stressed and that seemed to have stressed Silas out as well. He refused to go on the breast at all while we were in the hospital. My nurse Frankie was so kind and was able to get me a pump so I could give Silas breast milk.

Josh stayed with Silas and I and when he couldn't be there Donna came and so did his dad and step mom. I really appreciated having Warren and Ruth come and cuddle Silas while I rested. My sister came to see me as well since my mom was still in KY and my dad was in MI for a work related situation.

I spent 36 hours on antibiotics and on Sunday Dr. Aguilera said I could go home before 6pm. We were out the door by noon and on our way back home with more scripts for pain meds and my abdomen feeling soft and squishy and much less tender. Also I had strict orders to rest and to come back in later that week.

Once we were back home Silas was more inclined to breast feed and the time off the breast gave them time to heal well.

The Second Week - breast feeding

7 1/2 years ago I had a breast reduction. It was medically necessary or I'd have to have back surgery. At 19 years old it was something that I had to do. Unfortunately it would mean that I would drastically reduce the chances of breast feeding with a full supply or at all.

I struggled in the hospital with breast feeding and spoke to several consultants. My post partum nurse, Alison, suggested seeing Dr. Laurie Jones who is a pediatrician who specializes in lactation. After a week of struggling and having very traumatized nipples and an angry newborn I decided to call for an appointment.

Josh took the day off from work to take me to the appointment. I was very thankful that he came with us. Dr. Jones was very interested in my situation and listened to me as I cried and opened my heart to her.

Breast feeding was not the experience I had hoped it would be. The milk was not flowing from my breast and my baby was not happy. Every time I'd put Silas to the breast he would latch on and suck with earnest. We had been using an SNS and I was pumping frequently to give him breast milk through the SNS and then also using formula as much as I didn't want to.

Dr. Jones weighed Silas and he was up from his pediatrician appointment. He came in at 8 lbs 1oz, which was 7oz more than at his appointment. Dr. Jones watched as I nursed Silas and she helped me see that my breast were working against us. They are soft, the nipples are flat and smooth, and pointed upwards. And from the week of improper latch they were scabbed over and there was some scaring on the areola.

To get Silas to latch properly he had to be elevated. She provided me with a special nursing pillow call My Brest Friend and rolled a towel under his head. This helped the latch stop hurting. She gave us a lot of information to look through including a website called BFAR and a book to begin reading called Defining Your Own Success.

After the feeding Dr. Jones weighed Silas again and he had taken in about 20cc. She suggested taking fenugreek for milk production, which I already was, but she wanted me to increase the amount.

We spent about 2 hours with Dr. Jones. Afterwards we went to a store she recommended called Healthy Baby Happy Earth and bought the brest friend pillow and a few other things she had suggested.

It made breast feeding much easier and a lot less painful. We made an appointment for the next week, which I'll write about in another entry.

The First Week - part II - first road block

Well, Silas is already 19 days old and I'm way behind in my posts.

To be honest it's not my fault.

Aside from how crazy it is adjusting to life with a newborn we've had some roadblocks.

Wednesday the the 19th, when Silas was 5 days old, we took him to the pediatrician. He gained half an inch in length, but had lost 14 oz in weight. Aside from the weight loss he was in great physical health. However his doctor was concerned about me. At that point I was in a lot of pain and my incision was seeping. I shared that info with him. I clearly wasn't doing so well and he made me promise to call my CNM's office to see someone. By the time we left his office the CNM's office was already closed, but I planned on calling the next day.

Around midnight I was in so much pain and the incision was bleeding that Josh called to get a hold of the CNM on call. He actually got in contact with Tanya, who provided me with all of my prenatal care. She said to get to the hospital ASAP, and to go to the one closest to us.

Not wanting to take Silas into the ER we called my sister Andi who came over and stayed with him. We were gone for about 2 hours. The hospital pumped me full of antibiotics, packed the incision and gave me some pain meds. They called the OBGYN's office to get a hold of Dr. Porter, who did my c-section. Dr. Porter was on vacation but they spoke to an associate and they said to send me into the office the next day.

Josh took me to the office and they checked out my incision. It was infected but superficial, which meant that it was only the top layer of skin that split open. I had orders to take it easy, finish the antibiotics and come in next week.

That pretty much caps all of the exciting stuff that week.

Silas adjusted well to being home. The kitties paid no attention, and Asher was at my parent's house while I healed so he hadn't met him yet. We even managed to have a few nights where Silas slept through the night.

Our first week - part I - the hospital

Its our first full week of being a family of three.

Silas was born on Friday the 14th. My water had broken the night before at around 10:30 and I was in labor until around 2pm the following day when I spiked a fever. My temp was over 100 degrees and Silas' heart rate went from 120 bpm to over 180 bpm. I felt so cold that I had them turn off my a/c and bundle me with heated blankets, but none of those things seemed to help. The midwife on call said that the best route would be an immediate c-section.

Josh of course had just ran home to get a shower, eat some food and check on our animals and they wanted to take me in right away. Fortunately we only live about 10 minutes away and he was able to get to the hospital as they were prepping me for surgery.

I was in a lot of pain from the epidural and still very cold. Josh held my hand the entire time and talked to me as they performed the c-section. Before I knew it Josh said they were pulling Silas out and they held him up and I could see is angry red face. My poor little guy didn't want to come out! As they were stitching me back up Josh went with Silas to be taken care of. Since I had a fever they wanted to put him on antibiotics as a precaution so that if I did have an infection I didn't pass it on to him so they had to put an I.V. in his hand after they cleaned him up.

I was wheeled to recovery while Josh went with Silas to the nursery. Everyone got a chance to see him except for me. I wanted nothing more than to hold my son. Once Silas was situated Josh came down to recovery to see me. He showed me pictures of Silas being cleaned up and a few videos he had taken of our little guy. I cried with joy for our little one. He looked so precious and wonderful. I sent Josh back to be with him and slowly the rest of my family came back to see me.

At around 6 they finally started the process of transporting me to my post partum care room. My nurse DeAnna said that she could take me down to the nursery if I felt up to it, but I wouldn't be able to stay long because of shift change. I started to get up and she was amazed because she had never seen a mom so quick to their feet after surgery. All I wanted to do was to see Silas.

It was amazing to see him the first time and touch his little hands and feet. His arm was wrapped up tight with tape and such with an I.V. and I wanted to cry because I had caused him to have to have it in. They said he'd have to spend 48 hours in the nursery.

I spent all the time I could in the nursery and probably over did it the first day. We had a steady stream of visitors and in between sharing Silas with them down in the nursery I was trying to breast feed, but with little success. Having a breast reduction 7 1/2 years ago has limited my ability greatly, but we went forward and he would latch on each time. He has a strong latch and suck, but isn't able to get a lot out.

The Pediatrician came in on Saturday and said that he looked good and gave the o.k. for the nurses to let Silas be wheeled into my room for feedings during the night. He said that he'd have to have the I.V. in until Sunday evening though and then he could room with us until we were discharged.

Sunday was much like Saturday with lots of visitors. I worked on walking around and breast feeding. My incision hurt and I had to take it easy on Sunday as I did too much on Saturday. By 10 pm Sunday night Silas had his I.V. out and was wheeled in our room. We had our first night together and it went very well. He woke up several times to be fed and hardly fussed in between at all.

Monday we worked on getting ready for home. I had a lactation consultant come in to talk to me about breast feeding and had my staples removed. We finally got to leave for home around 3 pm with strict orders for me to take a nap in my own bed, which I did.

Welcome Silas

Silas Alexander was born on Friday May 14th at 3:42 pm.

He was 8 lbs and 7 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long.

We unfortunatly were not able to have the natural vaginal delivery that was planned due to a spiked fever on my half and an increased heart rate on his.

I'll post more about his birth when we are at home. We are currently still at the hospital and hope to be released tomorrow afternoon.

Happy Birthday

To me at least...

Today I am 27 years old.

I'm also 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

At my midwife appointment everything was great, oh expect I had no changes in the cervix department.

My child just doesn't want to be born. My uterus is still contracting, but my cervix won't change.

They sent me over to L&D to have the prostaglandin gels inserted. And they didn't do anything.

Donna, the midwife on call suggested using cervidil. That required being admitted to the hospital for observation. So they admitted me and inserted the cervidil at around 3:30 in the afternoon. The cervidil stays inserted for 12 hours so Josh and I hung out, had my family come entertain us at different intervals and got no sleep all night. Josh was on fold out which was probably more comfortable than my bed. I had a hard time sleeping because I was on the fetal heart monitor all night and had to page a nurse everytime I needed to go to the bathroom. The removed the cervidil at 3:30 in the morning and they checked me.

Around 6 am Donna came in and checked my cervix and she said that I was finally making some progress. My cervix is soft and I'm effaced 50% and dilated 1cm. She said Silas' head feels much lower in my pelvis, but still not at low as he should be. They gave me the option of staying and trying another method, or going home to relax and try to labor at home. Josh and I decided to come home. We went out for breakfast before hand and now we are resting.

So here I am... on my birthday still waiting for my son to arrive. At this point I'm done guessing when he'll come. He'll be here when he gets here.

Follow up appointment

I went in for the follow up appointment today.

As I thought, no changes.

His heart tones sound good, my blood pressure was normal and there were no proteins in my urine. He was squirming around as she was trying to locate his heart beat. I did put on a few pounds from the last appointment, but she said right off the bat that I was retaining water. She could tell in my belly, feet, and face and she said not to worry about it.

So what we are going to do is hold out until my next appointment on Tuesday. If I haven't gone into labor and there are no visible changes she wants to have me go to L&D and have prostaglandin gel administered to help ripen my cervix. They will administer it and monitor me and then send me home to hopefully labor on my own time. All the midwives there know how I feel about induction and pitocin and my fear of Cesarean. And in my birth plan I did state that I would be open to the prostaglandin, which is why they suggested it.

In other news...

I've been sleeping well, I got the house tidy, and I'm looking forward to mother's day. Even though I may not hold my child on mother's day, I'm still a mom and we are going to celebrate that. On top of it, my brother-in-law is in town for the weekend and we are going to see him too.

Tonight we are going to have dinner with my sister and brother-in-law at my favorite Mexican restaurant, which also happens to be my BIL's favorite restaurant too. Tomorrow I may or may not go to the zoo and then Sunday we'll be with family. We have church and then lunch with my FIL and SMIL and then in the evening we are going to go to my parents house for dinner and we'll play tripoly. I'm hoping at some point we'll see my MIL too. I'm looking forward to it.

Like I said... I'm just going to take it easy and try to wait patiently for Silas to come. (seriously hoping he'll come on his own though!)

Still pregnant

Tomorrow is our due date and I am still pregnant.

I thought for sure Silas would have arrived this weekend, but we were wrong. He is still holding on strong!

We had an appointment on Tuesday and there had been no changes from when we went to L&D on Saturday.

My blood pressure was 120/75, had no proteins in my urine, and had even lost a pound!

Silas's heart rate started off really low, but jumped back up to normal so they wanted me to have a non-stress test done and L&D, so after my appoint I headed over there.

I was a little keyed up given I haven't had much sleep since Friday night and I thought for sure our little guy would be here by now. I also managed to show up over an hour early for my appointment and was disappointed that I had not changed at all.

I spoke to the midwife on call and she went over the monitoring tape. She said Silas looked textbook perfect and that everything with me was normal besides being worked up. We talked about the importance of breathing and taking in enough liquids and trying to relax.

She prescribed an anti-anxiety med to help me rest and get some sleep at night. I'm only taking a small amount and only at night. I took it last night and it was amazing. I slept so well. I had to get up a few times for the bathroom, but was able to get back to bed with no problems. I got up around 10:45 this morning and felt wonderful after having so much sleep. I feel very well rested.

Once I got up and going my sister came over and she took me out. We went to the mall out in Scottsdale and walked around for a few hours. She bought Silas a build-a-bear bear. We just picked out a bear and a t-shirt that says "it's a boy". We named it Mr. Bearington and gave him Silas' due date as his birthday.

I was so tuckered out that I fell asleep in the car on the way home. I'm still really tired, but don't want to nap anymore otherwise I may not sleep tonight. Silas is currently moving around and causing a lot of back pressure and sharp pains, but at least he is moving around... maybe he'll realize that he is running out of room and will try to make an appearance soon!

Pictures are both 39 weeks and 4 days

Laboring

I'm officially in labor, but the early stages. I'm having contractions and all day yesterday they were very regular. They got to be about 4.5 minutes apart and I was having extreamly bad back pain so we went to L&D at the hospital.

Once I got there they hooked me up to the fetal monitor and confirmed I was having contractions, but when they did an internal exam I was only 1cm dilated. Because I wasn't dilated enough they sent me home.

I continued to have contractions but managed to get some sleep. When I woke up today the contractions were back to being irregular. I've been having them off and on all day, but the closest they've been together today is 7 minutes.

To be honest, I'm very discouraged. I was hoping yesterday was it and I'd have a little boy to hold in my arms today, but he has other plans.

Also, it makes it hard on our family because they are just as anxious as Josh and I are. We are getting lots of texts and phone calls and its hard to tell them that there is no baby yet.

I know he'll come when he is ready and apparently his is just not ready today!

Due date in 6 days

My due date is in 6 days.

Most of my family thought we'd have an April baby, but as it is after 3 in the afternoon, I'm not feeling any things major, and we have 9 hours until the end of the April I'm fairly certain we'll have a May baby after all. It's just a question as to when in May.

I had a midwife appointment on Wednesday and all looked good. My blood pressure was 116/80 and his heart rate was nice and strong. He was also very wiggly and his head was bearing down which made it very uncomfortable. My midwife said that Silas has dropped and she wouldn't be surprised if he came this weekend. I'm hopeful, but not holding my breath. If he doesn't come over the weekend I'll have another appointment on the 4th.

If he did decide to come this weekend it would be great since my midwife is on call at the hospital this weekend and she would be able to attend the birth. Wishful thinking!

In the end, he'll come when he is ready to. I know I need to be patient but as my father likes to point out, patience is not one of my stronger attributes. Sure I have patience with my students and other people, but when it comes to something I want, not so much.

Josh and I are ready. Every day we rub my belly and tell Silas that he's good to go and that he can come out whenever he wants. We try to encourage him but will very little reaction. Its funny though because he does move and kick when he hears Josh's voice. Already he knows his daddy.

So maybe he'll be here this weekend... or maybe not... I hope that he is here before mother's day because holding my newborn on Mother's day would be the best feeling in the world. I couldn't imagine anything more special!

Then again, he is my child and if he is anything like me he'll be stubborn and make he entrance when he deems appropriate!

11 days and counting

We are only 11 days from Silas' due date. Its hard to believe that he could be here within a week, maybe two (or three, if he's feeling particularly stubborn).

I've been on maternity leave for a full week now and have everything finished that I wanted to get done. My entire nesting list is complete aside from general keep up with the house. I may scrub the kitchen floor and already the Tupperware cabinet is a mess again. I'm trying to keep up with laundry as well.

Josh is super busy trying to wrap up a class before Silas arrives but unfortunately starts another class right away. It's hard with me being home and him trying to stay focused. It's so easy to slip into a mode where all we want to do is hang out and be together. We've been spending a lot of time cuddling, laughing, and enjoying each other's time. We have been playing video games together, watching movies, and just being us.

We are so ready to make our family of two into three and know that with the change we'll have quite the adventure. We rub my belly throughout the day and whisper to Silas that he can come anytime he is ready. Every pain or surge of discomfort has Josh ready to gather us up in the car and head towards the hospital, but really there has been no signs of impending labour. I hope that changes soon though!

As much as I have enjoyed being pregnant, I'm ready to give birth. I'm ready for the experience and the journey. I'm also ready for the swelling to go away, and to be able to sleep on my stomach again not to mention for the heartburn to stop being so intense.

I'm sending positive thoughts to my body for it to prepare it self and to get the show on the road. Hopefully we'll have some news soon!

In my next post: pictures of Silas' finished nursery and 38 week belly bump pictures.

Nesting Projects

16 days to go until Silas' due date!

I started maternity leave this week and created a list of things I wanted to get done before Silas arrives.

Clean the Master Bedroom
Clean and organize the garage
Fold all clean laundry and put it away
Wash and put away baby laundry
Prep cloth diapers
Finish the nursery
Clean the hall closet
Clean and organize the random junk cabinet
Clean the fridge
Clean and organize the Tupperware/pots and pans cabinet
Keep up on all dishes, dusting, and vacuuming

If it's bolded, then it's been completed... if it's italicized then it's in the process.

Josh and I tackled the master bedroom over the weekend. I took care of cl earning off the dresser and side tables, stripping the bed and picking things up off the floor. Josh took care of vacuuming the room and we both moved the mattresses off the bed so we could vacuum under the bed. Thanks goodness for the Dyson. We emptied it at least 5 times just working under the bed. Needless to say we are banning the animals from the bedroom or will be investing in Ssscat cans to go under the bed to keep them from going under there. Not only does it get covered with cat hair, but they also shredded the fabric under the box spring. Once we got the room cleaned I went through and cleaned my closet. I donated clothes and shoes for goodwill and organized all of my non-maternity clothes.

On Monday my MIL came over and helped me with the garage. Mostly I observed and decided whether or not to keep, trash, or shred items and Donna did all of the heavy lifting and moving. We really got it looking nice! It's not scary looking when we go in it and the cars fit nicely and we can both get into the cars without bumping into stuff. The best part is we got it finished in less than two hours!

After Donna left I got started on folding our laundry and washing baby laundry. Both of those projects are done. I just need to put Silas' laundry away. It's all sorted though by size. He is in no need of clothes until he gets into 9 months. He has a handful of things and then pretty much nothing for 12 months and above, which is good because once it's his first birthday we can suggest clothes!

I started washing diapers last night. I got all of the inserts and prefolds washed and dried. Today I started on shells and covers. I hope to finish them either tonight or tomorrow.

The hall closet has been cleaned out and organized, although we have so much stuff in there we really can't put much else in there right now. I also got the junk cabinet cleaned out and organized last night. Now I know where everything is in there.

My other projects just take keeping up on or I'm just not in the mood to do it... like clean the fridge. It's not nasty, just needs a decent scrub down. I just don't feel like pulling it all out and doing it right now. I'll leave that for later.

So far so good! I hope that it all gets done before Silas arrives!

In non nesting projects....

Something I need to do is get the car seats installed! My hospital bag is packed and ready to go, although Josh really needs to put a bag together with some change of clothes and some snacks as I'm sure he won't want to eat hospital food. Now we just wait!

Hospital Tour

Josh and I went to the hospital today for our labor and delivery tour.

Of course we were late... this was after we had missed the first tour because I was so tired after church I needed a nap.

The website was very vauge about where it was and the woman at reception spoke so quickly that I didn't catch everything she said before she moved on to the next hospital guest. After aimlessly walking the halls a nurse helped us find the location. They were already a few slides into the powerpoint when we walked in.

After the power point we went on the walking tour. There was a woman there that was so pushy. She cut in front of me several times as if we all weren't going to see the same thing. Given my current hormonal level it took a lot for me not to say anything to her.

Overall I was pleased with what we saw. I had been to triage before so I knew what that looked like. The high risk delivery was a little scary and I hope that I don't have to go there or have a cecerean. The regular L&D rooms were nice though. They aren't anything spectacular, but they are private and I'll be there to labor, deliver, and recover. The couplet rooms were bigger and Silas will be with me the entire time. I have the option to send him to the nursery, but I want to keep him with me. Those rooms are private as well.

The Teddy Bear waiting area is a little small though and I hope our family will be alright down there. Right now my plans are to only have Josh with me during labor and delivery, but I may ask my mom to come at some point. I just know how overwhelmed I get and I really just want to stay in state of calm, at least as much as I can. Josh is good for that. He is the most level headed and calm person I know.

It's hard to believe that I'll be there not to far from now! There are only 18 days until his due date, so really I'll be there within a month.

Changes

Just making some simple changes to the blog...

Aside from the background and colors...

I had originally made this blog under a different GMail account so I would have to sign out and sign back in under another name... so I decided to fix that so I wouldn't have to do that anymore.

And I modified the title and description.

Also, even though Josh is a contributor, he never posts and leaves it to me to update, so I though I'd change the signature from the Willinghams to just my name.

Full Term

I'm full term this week!

I have comparison pictures from this week. In the black shirt I'm 36 weeks and 5 days and in the red I'm 37 weeks and 1 day.

Uncovered belly

vs

Covered belly

vs

I'm roughly standing in the same spot, and maybe I see a small difference, but I'm not sure.

I'm amazed that we are so close to meeting Silas. He could be here in three weeks... or sooner... or maybe even a little later. I wish I knew when he'd be here!

Today was my last day at work though, which will give me lots of time to do the final touches on his room, wash his laundry, prep diapers, and clean the house.

Leaving was a little bitter sweet. I love my students and I enjoy my colleagues. It will be strange not waking up and getting ready for work for the next year. Josh and I decided I should take a year leave of absence and we would become an one-income family. I've never not worked. When I turned 16 I had two jobs while I went to high school and when I went to college I worked at the movie theater and the night desk at my dorm on top of taking a full course load. I had a job lined up before I even graduated college and I've been working at the school ever since. Even during summer breaks I was working.

I know being a mommy will be a full time job in itself, but I wonder if it will bring me the same satisfaction as being a teacher has. Only time will tell and this time next year I can make the decision to go back to the school, or decline my contract.

I'm very excited to be at home though. I have so much to do it seems and not the right amount of time to do it in. My wonderful mother-in-law came over today on her day off and cleaned up the kitchen and all three bathrooms including floors. Walking into a clean house is such a good feeling. It takes off quite a few items off my to-do-list.

On Tuesday this last week I had another appointment with my midwife. My Strep B test came back negative and my blood pressure was good. On top of that the swelling was not as bad this appointment so it seems lowering my water intake into a more reasonable amount seem to have helped. Silas is still head down and it's any one's guess to when he'll come.

I also attended a breastfeeding class this week. It was informative. I plan on using a lactation consultant while at the hospital and will be contacting another one outside of the hospital if I need one. I have high hopes for breastfeeding and hope that Silas and I can learn together!

My next appointment will be when I'm 38 weeks (Thursday). My normal midwife is not available on Tuesday so I'll be seeing the midwife who attended to me when I was seen at L&D triage at 32 weeks. I'm sure it will go well. I felt very at ease with her even though I was in a stressful and freaked out situation.

Other than that my week is going to be full of prepping and relaxing. Something I'm looking forward to!

Only a month until my due date!

Today is April 6th. My due date is exactly one month from today.

Will Silas be a May baby or will he decide to come early and be an April baby?

I don't know... no one know except for Silas. He'll come when he is ready, although I secretly hope that he is hear before May 9th, which is mother's day.

I would love to be a mommy on mother's day. I know that I'm already a mommy even though he isn't here yet, but to hold my son on mother's day would be wonderful. It would also be nice if he were here before my birthday which is on the 12th of May.

If he isn't, that is o.k. too. When he decides to come will be the day he is suppose to be here.

I've been having a lot of discomfort though. I'm really swollen, and its not just at the end of the day. Sometimes I wake up swollen. I'm also having period-like cramping and pressure in my pelvis not to mention back pain.

I had an appointment with my midwife today... I'm now on weekly visits with her.

While she was checking Silas' heart rate she said I was contracting. I've noticed my stomach getting tight and hard, but I just thought it was Silas pushing against my belly because I feel no pain or discomfort with it... but apparently it's Braxton Hicks.

As for the cramps and pressure, she said that is normal and my body is preparing for the big show. I need to begin timing them. If they last for more than a minute, and occur every four minutes for an hour then I need to call and then head into L&D. However she also said that this could go on for weeks and try to relax and not stress out.

I talked to her about being so swollen and we talked about how much water I'm drinking in a day, which apparently might be too much... I own a 24oz Camelback bottle and drink 5-8 of them a day, which is 120-192oz a day. She said try to aim for 64-96oz and see if that helps. She also suggested warm baths and eating watermelon and asparagus (both which I love!)

Aside from that everything looks good. My blood pressure was 100/70, there was no protein in my urine, and that even though I've gained 5 pounds in the last two weeks, she thinks it has to do with my water retention. I'm not over eating, and I'm not over indulging. I'm eating small portions and they are generally very balanced.

I go back in a week and we'll see what happens.... but with my BP being so good and my urine tests fine she isn't very worried. She said Silas is going to be a healthy little guy and I need to focus on relaxing until he gets here.

Outside of talking about the now we talked about the labor. I spoke to her about the class we took and how it had me really worried because it was all about the worst case scenarios. She said that I need to write a birth plan, not focusing on what I don't want, but focusing on what I DO want. She also said that none of the midwives will use interventions unless it is absolutely necessary. I asked about cord clamping because I would like to wait for it to stop pulsing so that Silas receives as much iron and nutrients from the placenta as possible and she said non of the midwives clamp right after birth as long as there are no complications or signs of distress of the baby. Once he delivers they will place him on my chest, skin to skin, and then they will ask me if it's o.k. to clean him up. They will tend to him in the room and if they need to move him Josh will be able to go with him. I feel very comfortable with how things will go. She said that unless I tested positive for the Group B Step or have to have a Cesarean that I will only need to spend 24 hours in the hospital and then I can go home. We do however need to have a pediatrician and a car seat installed. We do not have a pediatrician yet, but will have one soon. We also already car seats, but they are not installed yet. I'm hoping my wonderful cousin, who is a firefighter and certified in car seats, will help us with that.

4-5 more weeks to go and he'll be there... things to do before then, in no particular order...

• Find a pediatrician
• Install car seats
• Wash all of the baby clothes
• Prep cloth diapers
• Pack a hospital bag
• Scrub house from top to bottom
• Fill out short term disability forms
• Attend breastfeeding class

And now for bumps photos...

35 weeks and 5 days

35 weeks and only 5 more to go?

I'm 35 weeks today! Only five more to go... maybe more, or maybe less.

I've had a busy week this last week including my baby shower! My mom, my sister, and both my wonderful mother-in-laws (Josh's mom and step-mom) helped throw it for me. 35 people attended, which was amazing!

I had a lot of fun talking with so many people.

We also announced the baby's name.....

Silas Alexander

We had so many wonderful gifts from the shower and now my living room looks like it could be a small scale Babies R Us, or another baby store! We have more than everything we could possibly need or want for Silas. Now I'm just waiting for him to arrive. I'm hoping he'll stay in place for at least another 3 weeks. My mom thinks he'll come in April, but I have no idea when he'll be here... when he is good and ready I'm sure!

This Saturday we have our birthing class and I'm looking forward to that. I have another appointment with my midwife on Tuesday, and then I start seeing her weekly. I can't believe I'm at weekly appointments already! Josh and I had a sneak preview of the hospital when we went to L&D triage three weeks ago, but we need to do an offical tour of the hospital. Unfortunatly they only do them on the first and third Saturday of the month. This Saturday is the first of the month, but we will be in our birthing class all day, so we'll have to do it on the 17th. That will be a busy week too. On the 14th I have a breastfeeding class, and the 16th is the field trip for my kindergarteners as well as my last day of school! I'm looking forward to maternity leave though. Silas has grown so much and I'm becoming very uncomfortable while at work. Only two more weeks though and I can focus on being at home and preparing for him!

And now for some pictures

Me with my sister, my mom, and my soon to be SIL

With my cousins

Chatting with friends

The cake, which was decorated with the critters from Silas' baby room decor

Opening baby gifts



Playing with baby toys.... there were so many more pictures of opening gifts so instead of posting all of them I posted the aftermath



My living room after we brought in all of the baby gifts

Baby gifts sorted on my table

And some belly pictures... 34 weeks and 4 days

And one more up close for good measures!